Are you constantly wondering if your date is The One? Do you set a strict timeline for finding love and drive yourself nuts when your dates don’t meet your expectations?
It’s important to be serious, but you also have to keep a sense of humor. Here are 3 ways to lighten up when dating.
1. You’re a perfectionist
Whether it’s at work or in your personal life, you set high standards for yourself and others. These high expectations, accompanied by fear of failure and self-criticism, lead to stress and anxiety.
Maladaptive perfectionism is a common response to emotional trauma, relationship difficulties or life turbulence. It is an attempt to reaffirm certainty and control in a chaotic time.
Try to challenge your negative thoughts by practicing a positive self-talk exercise. This can help you break down bigger tasks into manageable ones and practice lowering your unrealistic standards. A mental health professional can also help you create more realistic goals and a healthier self-talk. This will reduce the stress and anxiety you feel. Also, consider setting a timer for certain activities. This will help you stay on task and avoid procrastination.
2. You’re a control freak
People who are considered control freaks have a compulsive desire to command the world around them. It may stem from their underlying fears and anxieties, as well as narcissism or a need to achieve perfection.
A control freak will get upset if something changes from their plan, and they’ll blame you for it. They will have a hard time adjusting to situations outside of their control, which is not healthy for a relationship.
Another sign of a control freak is when they start snooping through your phone, which goes against your privacy. They will check your messages and apps, and they’ll also feel entitled to this. This is a violation of trust and a sign that they don’t respect you. You should not be treated this way.
3. You’re a perfectionist in love
Perfectionists tend to impose their own standards and anxieties on their partners. They are highly concerned and disappointed when their partners make mistakes, critical of themselves and others, and more reactive than most people.
They may also be jealous of their partner’s friends and assume that their mate had a better life before they met. This is an unrealistic comparison that only serves to cause stress in the relationship.
While you might think it is a good idea to be more perfect, the truth is that perfectionistic behaviour can actually sabotage a loving relationship. The best way to overcome this is through honesty, vulnerability and dedication toward realistic expectations, a healthy connection with genuine needs and personal goals. This can be a challenging task for a perfectionist but it is possible with effort and time.
People can have a healthy need for achievement, such as wanting to maintain a good work ethic or aiming for certain goals in athletics, art and music. But perfectionism takes this desire for excellence to the extreme, with a distorted sense of what’s acceptable or even realistically possible.
People with perfectionistic tendencies often view the end result as the most important part of a task, and they may avoid starting a project until it will meet their exact standards. They also may take an excessive amount of time to complete tasks that other people can finish quickly.
To break the habit of perfectionism, try to be more flexible in your routines and plans. Practice noticing when your perfectionism triggers emotions like anxiety and frustration, then finding a collection of go-to strategies to deal with them.
5. You’re a perfectionist in relationships
The problem with perfectionism in relationships is that it can destroy them. A perfectionist believes their mate must meet all of their high expectations in every aspect of the relationship. If they do not, they may feel disappointed and start to believe their mate doesn’t love them.
In addition, a perfectionist might make comments about their partner that are not helpful or supportive. It’s important to recognize this and stop taking their criticisms personally.
Moreover, it’s hard for a perfectionist to enjoy leisure activities and joyful moments. They’re so focused on striving for the perfect life and relationship that they miss the little things that their partner does to show them they care. This can create resentment and distance in their relationship.